Hi there, it's Erica here. Today on the topic of prioritising and managing time, gonna talk to you a bit about avoiding the trap of over commitment. And today I'm thinking specifically about the habit, so many people I know have ADHD, to over commit in promises to other people. And where I see this coming from is this wonderful generosity, this desire to really help other people, loyalty to friends and to commitments and also an excitement about trying new things are so many great things to do, all combined with the optimism and time blindness, that can make things really tough. But I found that for many of my clients, and for myself, learning a few strategies that can help you to manage those commitments to others can make a huge difference in your life.I found that four strategies work really well for a lot of my clients and for myself. So the first one is the pause, also known as, let me get back to you. The next one is the reality check. Then we've got the graceful no. And last, the diplomatic takeback. I'll share a story that came up just recently with a client that I think is a good example of how overcoming to others can cause a huge amount of stress. So this is a client who has a lot going on her life right now. She's about to move out of state, she's finishing up a very stressful job packing up the house by herself. And also, she's preparing for a really significant professional exam that has been taking most of her weekends to study for. So in the week or two before she left town friend called and said Kasha would just love to see you before you go, we haven't caught up in a long time. And as we were reflecting on the weekend, she said, I kind of can't believe that I committed to doing this. What I did is I said in the moment because I wanted to show my friend that I care for her and sort of found exciting, okay, great. And then because she has a toddler, and I felt sort of bad that you she lives almost three hours away that she was going to drive a really long distance, I said, Well, we can meet halfway. And in fact, I agreed to drive a little bit more than halfway. And so in the end, I ended up spending the entire day on Saturday, more than six hours driving to our spot where we met catching up, then driving home. And if I had done any thinking about it, I would have realised that that really wasn't what I needed to do. So I think this is a good example of the kinds of things that I myself and other people I know will do out of generosity and excitement.And I have four strategies to share with you to help manage these kinds of commitments. So the first one is called the pause. And it's also called the let me get back to you. So this is the idea where at the moment that the front suggests you get together and actually as a habit that you almost always do you say, Wow, that's a great idea. Let me get back to you. Or that's a great idea. Let me think about it. Or let me check my calendar. And I'll get back to you. And that allows you to think about the commitment and whether you can do it without the excitement of the moment without the you know, the pressure of trying to show the person that you care for them or care for the cause. Right. So the next step is the reality check. And so this is the habit of both planning out the actual amount of time or money that this will take. Because calculating time can be really hard. So this is the moment when you know, you realise wait a minute, driving two hours spending time together driving back, not something I can do. Or, you know, maybe it's not to sitting down to do the math, but checking in with a friend like someone you trust and say, Wait a minute, what do you think? Should I should I agree to coach that basketball team? Should I agree to do that volunteer job, and they might help you to have a bit of reality check on how much time it might take and also whether it really aligns with the stuff that you're prioritising in your life right now. So the next move is what I call the graceful No. Saying no can be tough. And I find that it's really helpful for a lot of people to have almost like a go to phrase that they can use to say a graceful no when they need to. So these are the parts of it. The first one is that you just convey the emotion. You say wow, I care for you so much such as a friend, and I would love to spend time with you, then you pause. And you say, but unfortunately, I just don't think I can do that, because and then you fill in the blank with whatever the reason you can't commit to it is. And then to end with additional grace, you might say, but maybe instead, we could. Or maybe instead, I could. So that's when you say, Maybe instead, we could set aside a time to have a nice phone call and really catch up when we both can focus. And the last strategy that I consider the emergency move, but has been invaluable to me and others I know is to practice the diplomatic take back. So this is for when you're ADHD excitement, or your enthusiasm or your optimism about time has led you to say, yes, I can do that. And sometimes I know people even say, as the words are coming out of my mouth, I am realising that I should not be committing to that. Or maybe the next day you think about it and realise, oh, why did I say that? So here's just a chance to get comfortable with a phrase where you go back and you say, You know what, I need to go back to the topic of whatever it is our plan to see each other. And when I thought about it, I realised that I just can't do it, because and I hope that's all right. And thanks for your understanding. So, those are four strategies. Of course, with all these things. I offer them as little life hacks or strategies that work for some people and you might take them as inspiration, you might find a way to make them your own. Look forward to talking next.